KODOKU - 孤独

About me

I don't have much of a personality. I show others very little of myself, though this blog is an attempt to break from this with a screen because I have no interest in doing it by voice. I don't particularly like interacting with people, but if I am seeing someone on my own terms in my own control I find it tolerable and sometimes necessary to fit in. The term 'masking' was brought to my attention at some point in recent years and it describes well what I do.

My interests are few and narrow, you can see them all in the sidebar. That said, I tolerate anything that passes time and isn't utterly boring. The floor of my standards is low and the ceiling is high. I enjoy sleeping, which is not in the sidebar. I remember my dreams after I wake up usually and I have an imagination that's always moving. I self insert into most things I see or that enter my mind. I daydream a lot and lose focus.

The picture doesn't represent me. I made her with a character designer app and like her though. I like pretty things, and that image makes for a good avatar, or PFP as they are usually called today. I enjoy looking at the image and that is all that matters to me.

I've gone by many names since I started using the internet in 2005, but for this blog I am Kodoku.

What does kodoku mean?

Kodoku (孤独 in Japanese) refers to solitude or loneliness. If you were to google it in english you would likely find the other kodoku (蠱毒), referring to a form of poisoning ritual from folklore. Going back to the first definition, it has a more nuanced meaning than just those two words depending on the context. The word kodoku is typically used for those who choose to isolate themselves. It isn't used as often used to imply a loneliness that longs to be fixed or someone who has been cast out by society. It has been used to describe mountains and trees that stand out alone in a landscape. It's used n poetry and lyrics as a melancholic term. There is a phrase 'kodokushi' refers to those who die alone and remain undiscovered.
For my own context, I want to stick to the meaning of a self-imposed solitude. As I make this blog and write this I have retreated further from people than ever, and it is by choice. I have lost most interest in the real world, and even those in media are more dull than ever. My imagination is still clear. I chose the name kodoku to represent my escape and attempt to satiate my mind's need to be away from people.

Why a website?

I've tried multiple times in the past and given up. I lose motivation quickly even if an idea continues rolling around in my head. I also tend to finish one piece of something and feel satisfied enough to stop. This is my attempt to solidify myself in an online space. This is a place I can talk about me without another person involved.

Do you get it?

The witch in the egg.
The green locust.
Looking through the portal.
A complete and total escape.
Can be counted on but doesn't count.
Encephalartos woodii.
Wannabe cowboy.
The cat that has it all.
I want to take it easy.
Looking for a lost world.

Embed me

<a href="https://kodoku.neocities.org/"><img src="https://kodokublog.neocities.org/graphics/88x31kodoku.png"></a>